the green jellybean

Laa! :D

2007-03-23T15:31:00.001+11:00

Everything has been brought into this extreme clarity.
I feel good in myself.
I'm ok with just about everything.
I'm looking forward to the future for the first time in such a long time.

I think I might actually be happy. :D

Like not just "happy" but actually happy. At peace.

This is great.

Migration: all the cool kids are doing it.

2007-03-14T09:45:00.001+11:00

:D :D :D

Excitement.

If everything goes to plan, we'll be in England in like July.

The only thing we're waiting on now is for our tax returns to come back and then this happy little VISA should be ours! :D

After that it's just a matter of getting clearence to enter, the xadey one getting a job and we're off. Or perhaps the otherway around, which is kinda scary. The other way around would be xade heading over and then us following when he gets work. eep... But still so exciting.

:D

Looks Like Snow

2007-01-23T23:11:00.000+11:00

Rainy rainy snow.

With any luck, it will freeze over night and we can skate our cars to work.

Otherwise, and this is more likely, the English will panic at the sight of said snow and icey ice and the country will come to a stand still. Whereas in other countries that have snow, everyone will laugh and say "It's just a bit of snow."

I hope you're doing good, google search person.

2007-01-23T13:49:00.001+11:00

I just had someone visit here searching for "pregnancy 2 sacs nothing in one" on google.

I just wanted to say that, if they come back, that I hope they're doing ok.

It was kinda traumatic to see that on my first ultrasound and when the empty sac broke and nearly took out Dorian I thought I was going to break.
But it all turned out peachy in the end.

I hopes that it turns out peachy for them.

Peachy is so my new word.

Is that time again...

2007-01-23T11:33:00.000+11:00

So... Who wants to be drinking with me on Thursday night?

I shall be the ripe old age of 24 after midnight and I'd kinda like to not be sober at the time. ; )

We'll be headed here.

Give me a heads up if you're planning on coming so I know whether to stress about it or not. :P

Heh... It's funny how history repeats itself. I'm feeling this familiar tightening in my chest again...

Pan's Labyrinth

2007-01-20T13:02:00.000+11:00

Everyone must see Pan's Labyrinth.

It's much better than the linked review makes it sound. Wikipedia gives the whole game away though.
A fairytale, it's dark and brutal and wonderful.

Meh. I tried to actually review it but I can't do it justice. Just go see it. It's great.

Okie dokie...

2007-01-20T00:19:00.000+11:00

I'm feeling a tad stalked.

Who's ISP runs through Croydon North and is this- 60.224.26.# number?

And uses Telstra.

And has a Mac.

And comes here via Teigans blog...

Green Pea Prices and whatnot...

2007-01-19T14:33:00.000+11:00

Stupid hospital. So was there actually any news yesterday?

*tries to think of fuck-off-painkiller-proof ways to remind Jo to keep her public informed*

Can I come round and give you a tattoo? I doubt it will hurt much, under the circumstances

--
Posted by teigan to the green jellybean at 1/16/2007 06:17:03 PM

No you can't come around and give me a tattoo...  Unless you have mad, so far undivulged,  tattoo giving skills.  If so - I want a wee stick figure climbing my spine.  :P

As for my health- still no news.  I'm still hurty and the medication I'm on is still making me feel like crap but only 5 days till I get to find out exactly what's going on.  This has got to be a good thing.  Too much time + fuzzy thoughts = not a happy jojobean.

On a more positive note - It's my birthday in exactly 7 days so I *will* be all fixed up by then.  :D  And there shall be drinking and festivities and invites for everyone.  We're going to have gin punch I believe.  I don't actually like gin so much but they look cute in their little jugs so I'm sure fruity and delicious is what they shall be.

And there shall be fireworks.  For me.  And they are just for me.  I have the spoon and cup to prove it.  :P

My New Years Resolution

2007-01-19T13:34:00.000+11:00

This is coming in a bit late.

Late enough to even be called my Birthday Resolution, really. Given that my birthday is exactly a week away. Good old birthday.

Everyone has bad shit happen to them as a kid, this I know.
My shit was that my first sexual experience was one of abuse.
In my sleep actually.
By my step brother.

I decided that it would be best not to tell anyone, least of all my mother and that I would deal with it... eventually. The way I decided to deal with it being that when I could forgive fuckface, I would feel better. This decision was inspired by a childhood spent in the church. (I was actually living in a church at one stage) I prayed every night for the strength to be able to forgive. I pleaded. I bargained. I beat myself up over it time and time again. I thought god might help me. God did not.

During this 'trying to forgive' phase and afterwards I did this whole spiralling out of control thing. It was a neat trick. How to hurt yourself and alienate your loved ones in several easy steps. I slept around. I got used. I used other people. This one time I got myself drugged and lost five hours. Another time, I had this fucked up flirtation with a 36 year old (me being 16) that I was absolutely terrified of. This other time I nicked off to Sydney without telling anyone and had a threesome. Good times. At least it makes for some interesting stories to tell when tipsy.

Anyhoo...
So a couple of years on when I'm actually suitable numb and trolling along in my own little la la land I meet this guy. Totally out of my league. Totally drop-the-milk worthy. As luck would have it, he fancies me. I made short work of ditching the loser boyfriend and falling in love with this new feller. Or was it the other way around? Details... Life is peachy. Two kids, a house. Everyone's enjoying doing the happy family thing for the most part.

Then last year I get raped.

Who woulda thunk it.

And to deal with the rape?

I, and this bit is a bit funny, did exactly what I did the first time but in fast forward. I tried to forgive, failed at forgiving, drank a heap, found a loser to sleep with and slept with him. Amazing. And people say they learn from their mistakes? Not this little red duck.

So this year I'm going to try to actually deal.

I don't want the numbness.
I don't want the low self-worth.
I don't want the anger or the sadness.
I don't want to model any of this to my daughter.

I don't want to be that girl I was before fuckface came along either.
All dreams and hopes and the world is nifty.
Rose coloured glasses and all that...

But I wouldn't mind having some of it back.

High on...

2007-01-14T12:21:00.000+11:00

... pain medication.

Life is good.

Aside from the fact that I need pain medication.

And the fact that the other medication makes my tongue swell up and me all nauseous and whatnot.

According to all my boxes, I can't drink alcohol (Mr Mysterio will be pleased), take iron or calcium supplements, take aspirin, or (this ones the kicker) get any sun on me.

And my mental alertness and co-ordination are, evidently, affected.

Ah yeah. And if I don't eat enough before I take them I may do my bowels and stomach serious damage. I'm kinda used to - if you don't eat before taking meds you might feel ill, but not - you may do serious damage to your bowels and stomach so they wont work anymore. And I can't lie down either, after taking them. Otherwise, apparently, my oesophagus could very well ulcerate.

Spell check is a wonderful thing.

So yes.

And I haven't even been properly diagnosed yet. I go back to the good ol' hospital on Monday.

Wish me luck.

M-m-m-medicating!

2007-01-07T22:58:00.000+11:00

Doctor, doctor what am I here for?

Can't you see that I don't need this place?

I don't need these walls, I'm no threat at all.

Et cetera.
Hamish.

the value of values

2006-12-14T09:05:00.000+11:00

It's like evangelical Christians, really. The New Testament goes to great pains to really push the values of tolerance, compassion, loving thy neighbours, all that good stuff. Now if some well meaning bible basher goes up to some hapless sod on the street and tells him he's going to hell, he's probably not going to say to his good self - "Now. This chaps onto something! He's trying to save my soul. How compassionate. Just like that Jesus fellow. I sure would like to know more about him!" That hapless sod is probably going to think Mr-Street-Corner-Evangelical-Bible-Basher is an arsehole, and rightfully so.

In the same way, forcing migrants to sit tests on "Australian values" (however they might be defined) seems ludicrous. I mean- Define "fair go". Erm... I don't know... Letting me in on my merits rather than making me guess at the answers of questions whose answers are shrouded in grey area and personal interpretation? No no. That can't be it. It must be - "making it an absolute cinch to pass this test if you're from an English speaking country with similar society structure, legal system and heritage." Yes. That must be it. Because one thing is for sure, any Englishman who doesn't know their own legal system probably shouldn't be allowed here. And we don't really want all those nasty people with different coloured skin, random religions and wacky customs here.

I so hate the "Australian values" crap. I really do. I mean blah blah blah democracy, freedom, equality... Fuck. I heard larrakinism mentioned by someone. Larrikinism! What the fuck is that?! The ability to make up words? Or perhaps it covers the good folk who set the fires in Melbourne's North over the weekend. They weren't arsonists! They were "Larrikins". Good on them, I say! Just fine Australian spirit! *rolls eyes*

And- Digger spirit? Mateship? Huh? I'm really sorry but I doubt we invented friendship and I'm fairly sure that the bonds forged in war were just as strong between those pesky soldiers fighting for the Nazis as they were amongst our fine Diggers. FAMILY?!? I mean. Yes. We sure are the ony country that cares about the family. Yep yep yep. Clearly I've been living under some kind of crazy delusion that humans are basically the same all over. Scratch that one.

And to think I thought the nifty thing about Australia was the freedom to establish and live by our own values within the bounds of the law. How deluded was I?

----

Onto a bit of a personal note - perhaps making definite statements in a public forum isn't the best of ideas. xade and I are working on it.

everybody should go here

2006-12-13T14:20:00.000+11:00

and read this.

Funniest thing ever.

I have to thank Teigs and his search hits for impetus to read it. Wonderful. It really is.

I want to be able to pull out bits and pieces that are particularly ridiculous but I just can't separate them out from the mass.

Aside from this bit:

** Note: This article contains explicit references to common, dangerous homosexual sexual practices and is therefore not suitable for young readers.

:D

I hate people so much sometimes.

this is the last goodbye

2006-11-15T18:16:00.000+11:00

Xade and I are over.

He packed up and left last night.

It hailed for hours today.

Fitting.

And it's an ordinary sky

2006-11-13T13:58:00.000+11:00

Today's like any other day.

*le sigh*
I love Bic.

Two thumbs up to Indy's kinder in their choice of substitute teacher. It's probably bad form to be checking out your kids kinder teacher... But hey. Eye candy's eye candy. mmm... Strangely familiar eye candy though which is slightly disconcerting... But definitely a fine choice...

It's probably worse form to be asking my three year old ethical questions she has little to no hope of being able to answer.

She loves the fish at my mums house. My mums dog periodically eats the fish. I don't know if this is what happened. I do know that sitting at the cafe after kinder Indy's face rearranged itself into it's most serious little expression.

"Grandpa ate the fish"
"huh?"
"Grandpa ate the goldfish at nanas house" (looking just a mite bit teary)
"Did he now?"
"Yes. Mary-Joy and I watched him. We didn't stop him. We just ran away."
"So you and Mary-Joy just watched him, hey? Then don't you think it might be, perhaps, a bit your fault that the fish got eaten? Because you saw it and didn't stop it?"
(shocked) "But we were scared. We ran away. Nana should have stopped him from eating the fish!"
"But you saw him do it. And you just ran away. I don't know Ins... Sounds like you should have told him not to eat the fish to me.... "

She's going to hate me when she grows up. I can just feel it. I'm fairly certain it was a game. I wouldn't just randomly blame the murder of pets on a three year old. Incidentally.

So. Anyway. Sitting sitting at the cafe. Eating. Chatting. Going through her many artworks. This guy comes in. I swear- he was deaf with Tourettes. He was sitting there eating and then all would be dropped and he'd be waving both hands like a nutter. Dorian thought it was great. He loves waving. Then BAM! The crazy sign language started. I swear he was all "Fuck! Shit! POSSUM!!!" I wish I knew sign language. Then more crazy signing and wild waving so on.

Deaf with Tourettes. I think. There's a fair chance he could have just been run of the mill insane with poor impulse control, as is not uncommon in crazy people in my experience. But Tourettes would be much funner. Anyone who knows me, know I love me some random barking.

Oh yeah.

les bonbons mous sexy

2006-11-09T14:50:00.000+11:00

J'ai ete trouve par un type francais recherchant les bonbons mous sexy.

Actually jellybean sexy with some wacky capitalisation. But bable fish didn't feel inclined to tell me if the French have a word for 'jellybeans'. It instead spat out "soft sexy candies".

And I'm good with that.
I really am.

(edit: due to all my french punctuation going all skew-whiff up there, I've taken it out. Stupid skew-whiff punctuation. Dont ya just hate that??)

(edit: skewiff. skew-iff. It's a word in my head. I swear it.)

(edit: you learn something new every day. It's skew-whiff, evidently. And it's British. Good to know. :) )

holidays are good or posting late is the lazy mans way to blog

2006-11-06T09:00:00.000+11:00

We had to pick the girl up from Torquay (like a month ago now.... *blush* )so we rolled out of bed at about 2 and decided that perhaps we'd like to stay in Anglesea for the night. We got to Anglesea and decided that perhaps we'd like to stay for two nights. Before the first night was over, we sorta went bugger it,we'll drive to Warnambool. So we did. :D

Aireys Inlet - where the Indy one first saw and fell in love with lighthouses and we discovered that sand moving at speed can indeed flay the skin off your legs. We also discovered that Dorain is terrified of the sea, is phobic in his dislike for the feel of sand and is really not as beachy or outdoorsy as one would hope their child to be. I assumed that he'd probably get used to it. I assumed wrong. : )

We also found out that horse rides, a lot cheaper than one may have imagined. Indy on Amber-

This may have been a mistake. She now insists on riding the broom around the house whilst wearing a cowboy hat taking out pictures and her brother and such.

After that there was a bunch of driving, stopping at beaches to play in rock pools, buying emergency supplies at one horse tourist towns and celebrating the fact that our kids fall straight to sleep in the car. Yay! :D

And then...
And then....

iiieeeee!

Johanna beach! :D

!!!!!

For reasons that are confusing and not really suitable for publication I gots me the name Johana after this beach in highschool. You may or may not have noticed that it seems to have stuck. I spent 6 years wanting to visit and I finally made it. :D iiieeee! :D Terrible exciting. Even if it did give me nightmares. Graphic and disturbing nightmares.

Shall I go into it? I shall methinks.

So Indy kept running down into the water line on the beach whilst I kept anxiously fetching her back and reminding her that yes, all that crazy surf would smash her wee body into a zillion bits if a big wave came in. (This is back story, not the dream)

Anyhoo, in the dream she ignored me. I turned my back on her for a second. She screamed and I turned around to see that wave dragging her off into the frothing waves. I ran in behind her. I'm struggling to keep her head up but it's futile. The waves are much too strong. It's hard enough to hold her We just keep getting tumbled under the waves. The waters roaring in my ears but I see on the beach. Xade puts Dorian on the sand and starts running towards us. I try to scream to object but he dives in. We're gone.

Dorian's sitting on the beach alone sand stretching out on either side. Him a tiny dot in the middle. He's distressed. He starts to cry. Looking around he starts to crawl towards the sea.

Anyhoo. It freaked me out. As nasty dreams tend to do. Stupid dreams

In reality Dorian prolly would have sat there and cried, trying desperately not to touch the sand like a nuff.. Dork that he is. :D

Next up was driving around trying to find accommodation somewhere in between Johanna and the not so 12 apostles. Dodgy pubs are handy.

They're purty.
Driving away Indy promptly dubbed them "the twelve possums". :D
She didn't actually care much about them until she later saw them on a postcard in Port Campbell. Then they were supercool.

We drove on the back road through farmland and stopped at a beach along shipwreck coast that shared a name with a certain infamous town with a burnt backpackers

Then it was pretty much onto Warnambool and the WHALES!!! :D Yay! I saw whales. *does happy dance*

They were quite nifty, I gotta say :D

So big and close in doing their tail flippy bits and rolling around on their side. Like big, fat, lazy water... cats?

Then all the way back down to Queenscliffe for a couple of nights where w discovered (quickly) that we didn't have enough cash to actually eat there... Joy. Muesli bar, apples and pumpkin seed bread it is then.. Mmmm... pumpkin seed bread.

We drank at the home of the words largest cocktail in Sorrento (yay boats. :D )

and ran into a very enormous tree

Then drove another couple of hours into rural Victoria to get a babysitter. Much recuperation was needed. And by recuperation I mean drinking. Clearly. :D

So yes. Yay holidays! :D
Yay! late posting!

Less yay for blogger costing me a couple of hours to upload the pics.
*shakes fist at blogger* As per usual really.... ; )

throwing puppies into mincers since 1983

2006-11-06T01:13:00.000+11:00

Awww... Mishuki. Ta for the reminder. Tres sweet of you. And yes. It is really my fault and it is really pathetic. Embaressingly so. It's his fault that he's a jackass corpse fucker though. I'm not taking the hit for that. I told him how I thought today though. It prompted a guilt fuelled trip to Melbourne to see me. I, very maturely, planned to leave the house right before he arrived and made him wait for an hour outside the house in the car looking very sorry for himself. Heh. That'll teach him. Well it wont, but it made me snicker in a nasty place deep inside. Right before I feel guilty and mean. I'm good like that. ; )

Dorians birthday was fab. We had a barbecue. We had some family and friends over. Indys best friend came. It was all rather chilled out, just like the kiddo. I made red velvet cupcakes.

If I had uploaded the photos here's where I'd post one like so I haven't though so you'll have to let your imagination and the visual aide cover it for now. A heads up - my kids cuter than all those ones. So something like that. But cuter. Much much cuter. With red cake.

I believe I may have been inspired though. I must post more. And *reads back post thus far* I must make a more sincere effort to post whole sentences. I now pledge, whilst hopped up on cold meat off yesterdays barbecue and warm heatery/wine goodness, to post more often and less shittily. If I wasn't so hopped up on meat stuffs I could have probably organised a better way of saying all that just now...

Someone accused me this week of being too lazy. Too lazy to even post myself. I'd like to take a moment to thank Hamish for his much appreciated posts on my old smoggy blog here. I feel we really needed more on thiefing around these parts. ; )

Lets call the whole thing off

2006-11-05T11:15:00.000+11:00

It was my boys birthday.

Remind me to post about it later.

My dad didn't even call. Sometimes I hate that man so fucking much. I don't understand how he can still make me feel like that sad twelve year old sitting in the gutter waiting for her daddy to turn up on her birthday. I don't want my kids to know him. I don't ever want him to have the power to make them feel this way.

Piece of shit.

He doesn't know what he's missing out on. He doesn't seem to care much either though. He cares enough to lie to his friends.

Fucker.

Happiest damned rider I've ever seen.

2006-10-28T15:09:00.000+10:00

Bicycle
Bicycle

I want to ride my bicycle

I want to ride my bike

I want to ride my bicycle

I want to ride it where I like

Bicycle races are coming your way. etc.

I blame you american guy.

Or not so american guy. Congrats on that.

:P

Island

2006-10-22T03:47:00.000+10:00

Agreed?

Yes Yes

2006-10-11T04:04:00.000+10:00

Sick, it's me! On the green jelly bean! And holy crap am I happy about it. Just look at this low quality proof:

I need to talk to you about a few things. Things that I've taken up as hobbies. Not like boring stuff, not like "I really enjoy water fights and making potpourri." Because those are both very private hobbies, and also very ficional. You know... I don't really like those things. Water fights are like being peed on by your friends, except without the pee.

I'm talking about stuff that completely contradicts my new found faith in both Chaoism and Buddhism. These are true stories.

The first one; stealing.

Now stealing is great. You can do it from anywhere. Man, I can steal episodes of Lost season 3 from my bedroom. This is cool 'n'all because hey, I've seen the first episode and the rest of these English losers have not. But that's not real stealing. That's downloading. Downloading is for nerds! But I can't help myself, they don't call me Klepto Joe for nothing. I suggested Klepto Hamish but apparently it's cooler if it rhymes.

Anyway, cutting to the chase, I really wanted to steal a car. I targeted my friend and plotted the whole damn thing. Realising I couldn't just smash the window and hotwire it, even got me a team. A 2 man team. I was one man, I was the driver, but there was an inside man too. His job was to distract the owner, and toss me the keys from a second floor window and then distract the owner. In hindsight, he did all the hard work. My job was to roll the car down the drive way then drive it up the road.

It was a thrill! But I realised that I didn't really want to steal stuff, I just wanted to move shit around when no one is looking. I think a lot of people have the same desire. If you say to a group of people "Hey, let's totally rearrange everything in [Someone's] house and when they get back they will freak! lol!" Lol, you will say. And they'll do it! The temptation is wayyyy too much.

The second hobby is lying. Lying is wicked, there's nothing like saying something that just IS not true. Dig? I'm always doing it. But I don't do it to get out of trouble or something. Like "As far as I remember, that door never had any hinges." or "I know I said I'd come to your show, but I just got employed at the zoo - late shift. So..." Those lies don't fly. Let me help you.

The best way to lie, is to tell someone something that they didn't ask about and something that will never effect them. "So Syria is being declassified as a country," you could say, "Yeah, it's gonna be like a sub country. Everyone who lived in Syria is going to be classed as Turkish. I know, weird." And then change the subject.

Better yet, tell them a lie that doesn't make sense. "So... I hear Harry Potter died."

It fun, really. Don't be afraid to share your results.

my newest obsession

2006-09-12T11:38:00.000+10:00

A couple of weeks ago the Teiggy one asked me if I obsessed about
anything. And I didn't think I did. Truely. There's no thing that
woud make me crazy. No idea that would shake me if it was challenged.

That was before I spent upwards of 8 hours searching for a photo.

I can't find it.

I believe it to be somewhere on my computer. I've searched through
thousands of photos. Over and over.

I've seen photos of other peoples babies and people I can barely
remember. People in hospital. Landscapes I can not place. Animals
that have long since died. Couples long broken up and moved on. Side
by side with the photos of all the intimate minutae of my last five
years.

I've brushed over photos of my children just born and in various
stages of less tiny. My animals. Myself. Xade. My family. It's
all a blur.

But I can't find it.

Nothing else seems as important to me at this point. I need it.

It was of a kiss three years ago. It was simple and happy and loving
and sexy and uncomplicated.

And I want it back.

For the xadey one

2006-09-10T01:04:00.000+10:00

Ben Harper linkage

Mmmm.... the man is sex on legs...

now I long to feel the touch from your lust

2006-09-07T17:26:00.000+10:00

what a week, hey.

Germy Greer vs. Stever Irwin

Missing blogs

Random Turkish cyber terrorists

and Ben Harper.

He rocks my foxy socks. He does.

nerds

2006-09-07T17:01:00.000+10:00

I needs some attention... and help.

Because I am pitifully un-blogger savvy...

And I want to be able to do the linky link things and stuffs from my
email because I hate going into the blogger site. I can do that
right? If I knew the right html to put around things? Right?

So... Does anyone helpful want to tell me the right stuffs?

my apologies...

2006-09-02T21:08:00.000+10:00

for the early exit last night, guys. Just saving Mr Mysterio there from being the first to bow out, again. :P Sounds like you had a whole
bundle of fun in our absence. ; )

coming online these days

2006-08-30T16:35:00.000+10:00

you can almost hear the sci-fi-ish dramatic battle type music raging
on in the background. Is there anything that the three big'uns
(google, MSN and Yahoo) don't have their dirty mitts on these days?

(That rocks my socks. :D I checked my spelling, and google doesn't
have "MSN" in their dictionary... MAN MN MS MSW no MSN... heh.)

And is there any such thing as customer loyalty when, aside from
remembering less passwords, there really is no difference in whose
product you choose to consume. It's not like the old "I like Coles
but there's more car parks at Safeway" kinda dilemma.

Anyhoo... *cue rant* this all came up because I've just wasted
*hours* trying to get blogger (google) to put pictures up on this here
blog. Admittadly the largest part of the hours wasted were the
screens mindlessly loading whilst I wasn't at the computer but that's
not the point. The point is that it never actually ended up uploading
my pictures and so I've turned to flickr (yahoo) for my picture needs.
So ner ner google. I don't need you. You and your lousy not
uploading.

bloody lips

2006-08-30T11:43:00.000+10:00

I bit through my lip in my sleep the other day. I woke up with the taste of blood in my mouth. Al four front teeth had happily sunk their way into my bottom lip in my less than restful sleep, evidently. It was all purpley and swollen and fun. And I think the nail impressions in my palms are slowly but surely becoming permanent.

It hasn't all been bad though, just busy. And no sleep-ish.

How does one get tired?

Look after the wee ones during the day

until the xadey one gets home from from work

then get dropped off at work. Stay there and work my sweet patootie off until 11-11.30pm and get home, preferabley to a house of sleeping childeren but sometimes to the smallest one still awake.

At every possible opportunity go out and get messy.

To become truely stressed though, one needs to have to spend time with their mother who they love dearly but honest to god, sometimes they feel like strangling. Aren't families just the most fun?

And have their house renovated. Still. Shuffling coffees out in my jammies is awesome. No really. Cant get enough of it.
(I considered putting in a pic of me in my jammies but there's only so much public humiliation one can stand... ; ) )

Hopefully life should slow down a little now... (she says again)

while we wait...

2006-08-30T10:36:00.000+10:00

for my photos to upload, if they ever decide to do so...

Reading about space and pluto, <a href="<a
href="http://http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=12223623&postID=115645487487584996"></a>">this</a>
in particular about a minute ago makes me feel queasy. Like
physically queasy. Like when you go down a steep hill or go fast on
the swings kinda queasy. It's like my body's all good with the
proportions of our world but when I think of all that space and size
out there is readjusts. Enter stage left that falling feeling. I'm
sure I'd make a terrible astronaut.

Bother. Indy keeps asking me for a pet mouse. Last week she was
after a rat. I don't actually mind pet rodents but I'm sure our cats
would love them perhaps a little too much.

I'm all ascared

2006-08-30T09:38:00.000+10:00

for the first time ever- google is not my friend. Not my friend at all.

I'm trying to get into my blogger account and I can't seem to break in there.

Apparently google owns them now. And google doesn't want me in. Apparently.

Just like to do a shout out...

2006-08-09T15:36:00.000+10:00

to the Pope. Heya pope. Nice hat ; )

while I'm spying on folks...

2006-08-09T14:06:00.000+10:00

Heya Sezy Jane! :D

next time I buy a house...

2006-08-09T14:00:00.000+10:00

It's going to be close to something beautiful, dammit.

Looking at LadyJ's blog made me remember how I used to love walking my
dog through the bush near my house in Bendigo. The smell of
eucalyptus, sitting in the native grass, the little gum nuts and bits
of bark that'd stick to your clothes when you stood up again. The
organic feel of it. The trees filtered out the light along with the
rest of the world.

I used to take my school books down there and slowly work my way
through my homework whilst Alex chased the wind or tried to squish her
over-big body onto my lap until night crept up, signalled only by the
briefly flaming red sky overhead and the surprising cold.

In the last few years I've lived near a creek and the beach. Both
were lovely in their own ways. The creek had some of that same quiet
calm of the bush whilst the beach was... well... in St Kilda. When I
lived in the city I found that solitude in crowds. I loved the people
and the energy. I loved the roof of my building. There wasn't
anything better than heading up there with a cigarettes, red wine and
book.

Now there's nothing. We have a bunch of concrete in our backyard.
There's a park up the road but it's a wee little park edged with back
fences and full of kids and dogs. There's no cool places to walk to.
No nifty little hideaways. Nothing. Suburbia bites.

I must get onto fashioning a little Japanese garden out the front of
our house otherwise Imma gunna go nuts.

raises eyebrow

2006-08-02T16:12:00.000+10:00

Where's Morang, Victoria?

Like Epping-ish?

Someone around here's from Morang and I'm all a puzzled as to who they
might be... Apparently they're here quite a bit.

My goodness! You're here now?!

Who are you? Mystery Morang person?

In other news...

2006-08-01T09:49:00.000+10:00

The ol' relationship has been super rocky.

We've all had/have gastro and now Indy has a chest infection. From
the sounds of it Dorians headed the same way.
.
Some fucker broke into our car turned everything upside down, stole
the change drawer and left some kids lunchbox full of moldy sandwiches
in way of compensation.

My mums sister and her husband came over from New Zealand the the sole
purpose of the visit, seemingly, to prove once more just for kicks
that they can behave like prats and this time in front of my elderly
grandparents.

I think my dad has turned to gambling too much and is most probably depressed.

My brother broke up with his long time girlfriend who I've referred to
for the last like 6 years as the big sister I never had.

My house is still a friggin building site, a fact which started the
first real argument I've had with Andrew (the step father) since I
started talking to him again 3.5 - 4 years ago.

Miss America went home.

And then there's Xalia.

I'm sure there's some other shit in there that I've forgotten but that
can suffice as explanation of lack of emails and vague blog posts and
snarkyness/general oddness if you did manage to get hold of me.

On the upside- My kiddo started moving about on the weekend! :D He
scoots on his butt. It's not crawling but it seems to be slightly
less frustrating than not being able to move at all. :D

My dad has clearly been yelled at by someone because he actually spoke
to me on the phone on Sunday rather than just fobbing me off with some
story about how he will call back later. Albeit about what a menace I
was as a child and how I'm stubborn and a wee bit of a disappointment
but hey, talking is talking. Beggers can't be choosers as they say.

My house got the most spectacular clean and is all sparkly like. Loverly.

Anyhoo. In honour of the end of this fairly craptacular month drinks
will be had on Friday. Lots of them. Lots and lots and lots of them.
I shall be expecting the regular crowd but you can all take this as a
general invitation. Jo's July Begone Party. There shall be drinks,
clearly, cute bartenders, most probably annoying aerospace engineers
but clevage to compensate. Details available by email. Be there or
be off the christmas card list. ; P

must be

2006-07-28T18:43:00.000+10:00

more diplomatic at work...

crap

2006-07-28T18:24:00.000+10:00

what are those things called. Those things that you get at the end of
the year. With your pay summary for the year on it. That you use to
do your tax. That I'm supposed to do... here at work. Where I still
am even though it's 6PM (my goodness! gives self gold star)

Bother. I can't remember what they're called and how am I supposed to
be able to produce said bits of handy dandy bit of paper if I'm having
a mental blank on what they're called? : (

*takes gold star away*...

mope.

I want to go out. I'm not invited anywhere and everyone's all "I'm
sick" "I'm busy" I'm... not doing anything..."

bother.

why has no-one else got a wee green dot next to their names?!

2006-07-28T18:14:00.000+10:00

Get a wee green dot so I can harrass someone already. I'm at work...
and faced with work unless I find a distraction like....

....

now.

*checks*

....

damnit.

no dots.

fuck.

tax hey. Why did I pick the most boring job in existance?

Seriously.

Like rolling my finger down past "extreme sportsperson" and "fireman"
and I hit "bookkeeper"

bookkeeper

seriously

I do people tax and pays and whatnot (not like library bookkeeper... )

oh joy.

How am I supposed to want to do that. Particularly after a boozy
three hour lunch. It's unreasonable! Unfair!

i need a union.

totally.

utterly inadequate

2006-07-24T11:13:00.000+10:00

We were standing by her graveside and all I could think of was how
utterly inadequate I feel in the face of death but worse, how poor I
was in her life. She used to want me to call her more and I didn't.
She wanted to see the kids more and I didn't make it happen. She had
her issues and because I had my own shit to deal with I put off making
contact with her. And then she died.

I didn't think people just died like that. Indy asked me why and I
told her to feel her little heartbeat. "Nana X's heart just stopped
beating"

Surely peoples hearts don't just stop beating though. How does a
thing like that just happen? And at 44. Surely that's not right.
Surely that's not fair.

I hoped she realised what a remarkable woman I thought she was. How I
had appreciated her honesty even if I hadn't always really wanted to
hear what she had to say. How I admired her generosity and unfettered
compassion especially in the face of having more than enough of her
own to deal with. How I admired her.

Standing there at her graveside I just hoped that she realised that me
being inadeqate was just that- my failing, not hers.

What the fuck happend to trade sanctions?

2006-07-24T10:45:00.000+10:00

Seriously?!

I was discussing the whole Israeli thing with Andrew, my step-father,
the other day and about how I think killing civilians is unjustified.
Ya know. Murder and all that.

His argument was that if Lebanon united against Hezbollah rather than
just getting pissed at the Israelis then they might be able to avert
the issue and that Israel shouldn't have to put up with terrorist
attacks. At the time my reply, stupidly enough, was- but.. but...
they're probably really pissed. And Lebanon, not really known for
being united.

But what happened to global unity? Acts of terrorism shouldn't have
to be tolerated but is the guns blazing approach really so accepted
these days that it's become the only way? This Lebanon business is
not quite as ratshit as the Palestine vs Israel debacle so methinkies
that mayhaps the UN could step in on this one, or could have. If
forcing Lebanese to take action against terrorists in Lebanon is the
desired endpoint of this travesty, why not do that by muzzling Israel
for a wee bit and putting trade embargo's and whatnot in place for a
while to see if that bears any fruit. It'd still be punishing the
country as a whole for the misdeeds of the minority but bombing
residential areas it wouldn't be.

Am I just being totally vague and naive? I'm just starting to come
out of the fog that's been the last couple of months so speak up if I
am. It wouldn't be a surprise.

As it stands, I'm waiting for Syria to get their back up about being
threatened and start rallying their neighbours as well. Iran might
start getting a wee bit antsy about now. When Israel looks to be in
real trouble the states will prolly step up in a more real way. When
they do we'll be right their at their side continuing to give their
idiot in chief the mind blowing head that he misses out on at home.
The Brits may hesitate a bit due to the slaps on the wrists Blair got
for mindlessly following the States last time. Me thinks they might
think about it first and then join the coalition of sheep. In weighs
the rest of the Middle Eastern states. Oohhh Saudi Arabia could be
our new Switzerland.I doubt anyone would want their loverly oil lines
being blown up any time in the near future. Except for maybe those
damned terrorist... sneaky beasts. Talk about biting the hand that
feeds you. Haven't seen that before... ; )

And then, whilst everyone's busy beating the crap outta each other for
no real reason except that we haven't been down that path on a grand
scale for like 50 years North Korea could see its big chance for
revenge and start hurling those nifty new missiles at Japan. Surely
someone bigger and badder would have to respond to that. The states
would really have over extended their military at this stage. The
rest of Europe? Russia? Russia v. China. It's on baby.

I'd just like to say now that I'm kinda glad I learnt rudimentary
Indonesian in Primary school.

2006-07-02T19:06:00.000+10:00

monkey fuckers

2006-07-02T19:00:00.000+10:00

too fucking much.

everything needs to back the fuck off....

what's going on? everythings fucking wrong.

"Who eats flowers?"

2006-05-24T17:19:00.000+10:00

"Butterflies get nectarine from flowers."

She's SO cute! :D

And quick on the uptake. What kind of thee year old knows what
butterflies eat? Same kind that can run off a list of different
dinosaurs that were herbivores is who... :D *gloat*

She wants to be an astroaut. She had this ambition worked out for a
while now. Since she first saw a space shuttle. We've made paper
mache planets, have read planet books, get loved "up to the moon and
back and up to the stars and back" and hear, every now and again, I'm
going to go in a space ship. Xadey told her that she'd have to work
hard at school and learn how to read and write really well. "I will
Daddy! I will!!"

aww... she's so cute.

2006-05-11T23:14:00.000+10:00

Dear Mr Mysterio,

Who know's Steve and reads my blog.

How bizarre.

You should email me.

johana.4@gmail.com

bizarre

well... I definitly got myself drunk...

2006-02-16T15:26:00.001+11:00

A few cocktails later and I'm the drunk looking one on the right...

::shock:: *my* pic on the internet... Must be part of some kinda revolution! ; )

It was A-OK though. My brother came and Nat and Smell (the missy on the left) and her boy Dominic. Xadey poo, of course, was there. There was even a guest appearence from Mr Tript, posse in tow
Yay! :D

stresses...

2006-01-25T11:08:00.000+11:00

i hate the birthdays...

i'm not old enough to care about the age thing (and I'll keep telling
myself this, thank-ye very much) but I hate the inevitable
anti-climax. This is another good reason for doing it the night
before. Gives me the whole next day to scew it up... ; )

i don't have anything to wear...

and my mum's going to screw up looking after the boy. I can taste it.

and my mum's staying over so I'm not even going to get laid... this
is a *very* sad state of affairs...

and it's going to be 40 on my actual birthday which is much too hot...

I didn't invite anyone and then I started and it's all a wee bit... awful...

breath in breath out... and in and out a few more times. I think I
should go have a shower... or cut my hair off or something...

gosh...

2006-01-25T09:17:00.000+11:00

a comment from Xul Solar 23....

who woulda thunk it.... ; )

oh... and-

2006-01-24T17:40:00.000+11:00

*cough*xade.blogspot.com*cough*

cause zombies really do make everything cooler... ; )

so.. it's my birthday on thursday....

2006-01-24T17:28:00.000+11:00

and i wants me some cocktails...

and to not remember the ride home...

I have a babysitter for wednesday night (the joys of having ones
birthday on a public holiday- it's much handier to go out the night
before...) but i have not a good cocktail place to go to. Suggestions
anyone?

he said she might have cancer

2006-01-05T16:53:00.000+11:00

but she doesn't! :D

I am *so* relieved. Indy's been to a dermatologist who specialises in
cancer today because shes had lump on her face that hasn't healed,
regardless of all the things the doctor's been getting us to try for
months. The doctor thought that it was cancerous and wanted to send
her to a plastic surgeon to get it cut out. I wanted to try to get it
done at the childrens hospital preferably so he referred her to the
dermatologist who happens to work at the Royal Childrens.

He said that it was most probably an insect bite, probably a spider
bite or a tick. The bite got infected and created an abcess. The
flesh under the skin died, hence all the grossness.

All we have to do is put on Savlon cream on for a month or two and it
will heal, leaving a little chicken pox type white scar. :D It's
amazing.

"Luke laboured breathing..."

2006-01-02T23:58:00.000+11:00

I love my girl

too fucking hot

2005-12-30T10:20:00.000+11:00

Need airconditioning *so* badly...

Oh! High ceilings! How lovely! Yes... lovely right up until it's
37C and you feel like you're in some kinda wacky people sized oven...
stupid no insulation...

Good thing I have such a cool baby. Is good compensation, really.
He's started smilling... Is *so* cute. *gush*

*more gushing*

OK. now write gush a few times and see how quickly it starts to seem
like a non-word.

In fact....

"3 entries found for gush."

Yep. There it is... I love dictionary.com. For all your dictionary needs.

Creamy Spam Broccoli Casserole - Makes 8 servings

2005-12-14T17:17:00.000+11:00

The title was a link at the top of my spam folder in my gmail
account... Link to recipe and all. : D

I love google.

For anyone who may have been wondering-

2005-12-06T09:47:00.001+11:00

This would be xade. :D Heh. See I can do that now, what with his blog being gone and all.

Anyways... Dorian was 1 month old on Sunday. He's like totally all growed up already. Yesterday was xades first day back at work. : ( I'd been terrified for the whole week before but it actually went ok. For some unknown reason the boy has decided to... sleep. Lots. He slept for 7 hours on sunday night. ::shock::

Not only that but he now puts himself to sleep. ::huge shock:: This is a most marvelous development. Indy was impossible. I feel way too human to have a wee baby. A pudgy human but a human nonetheless...

indy and the boy

2005-11-14T23:47:00.000+11:00

Indy's first cuddle... aww...

And how it turned out.

:D She's such a cute big sister though. *gush*

She hasn't gotten to the point of trying to pick him up solo or anything as yet. And she is suprisingly un-jealous. "The baby is my friend." Good child she is... :D

end gush... :D

the boy

2005-11-14T23:31:00.000+11:00

He looks a little like a gnome but I'm sure that as his mum I shouldn't have noticed... :D

He's tres cute though...

And and and... I fit into my jeans again on thursday... :D

2005-11-06T16:15:00.000+11:00

How do we get from here to there?

Indy's enormous. She has big hands and feet all at once. She can
walk and talk and has a grip on all the basics like, yanno, breathing
and turning her head.

I don't know how we get from here to there. I look down at this tiny
little body and I don't think it can be done.

**************

Dorian Edward

born 1.49pm, Thursday 03 of November

4.1 kgs or 9.3 pounds

comes standard with 91 faces ranging from grumpy to cranky to full and
teeny tiny ears.

What have i done?

2005-09-26T11:30:00.000+10:00

eep... : (

Indy had a mullet. The mullet is now gone...

Yay! Technical help...

2005-09-02T13:18:00.000+10:00

Whilst we're here- does anyone have any idea what's going on with my printer?

Unless I send whatever I want to print to that pdfFactory thingy
before I want to print and then print it prints really really really
tiny. As in a whole page taking up two inches in the top corner
tiny...

I've tried clicking all the printer options it has , like "print to
size of page" and the make it 100% type one to no avail...

It's a brother printer if that helps anyone...

Grr... to whoever fiddled with it and then doesn't remember what they've done!

Credits

2005-09-02T12:22:00.000+10:00

You can thank the post-age on the man with enough fortitude to start a
revolution. Did everybody else know I could email posts onto my blog?
Thus avoiding the need to visit blogger.com, or my blog for that
matter, completely?! This is fabulous news! It was their hideous
site that drove me from posting. Or at least didn't help. I'd have
something to write about but then memories of having to wait for 15
minutes on our crappy crappy modem connection and having the stupid
thing time-out. Half a dozen times...

You should definitly no thank (blame?) Teigan because he doesn't
visit... : ( Stupid Teigan... Who needs him anyways?

I have no idea how to put in links now... If anyone wants to help me
out with that, feel free..

An aside: A telephone service provider who shall remain un-named, are
total fuckwits.

They send out bills with reference numbers. The follow up notices
they send out- no reference numbers. Why bother in the first place?

It's 11.20... I should really get to it...

oh yeah...

2005-09-02T11:58:00.000+10:00

and the fact that I'm too damned lazy to actually work...

That's prolly a contributing factor also...

If anyone wants to tell me how to link, feel free. Did I already say this?

Xadey! Where's my courier Pigeon??

2005-09-02T11:23:00.000+10:00

ok... I've now been here for about an hour and a half and have yet to
achieve anything meaningful.

I've swiped a box of paper clippy thingies, sorted a pile of paper
into two piles of paper before returning them to my in-tray doovie,
and put the last couple of weeks worth of bank statements into their
folder..

Lacking motivation...

Lacking my damned pen...

I just found out that *everyone's* going to be up here. And the
bathroom is going to be renovated as well. The Boss said we could go
behind a tree. I am not going behind a damned tree... Owing to the
fact that I'm the only chick at my work, I have, up until the great
destruction, had my own bathroom. This is not a fun day.

Yay!! I just remembered I have chocolate stashed in my bag!!!

At least now I have munchies to keep me occupied! : )

pout

2005-09-02T10:27:00.000+10:00

Fuck on a fuckstick....

There was a massive pile of crap outside my works door when I got in
this morning... All their old carpet samples and bits of brick and
other assorted building materials. Boxes of old papers and books and
unused designs. I work for architects. These people are magpies.
They don't throw shit away. *Ever*

"Uh... we've changed a few things around upstairs. You may need to
move some things to get to your desk." You've done what now?! But
but but... crap.

My office is being renovated. For over a year, probably closer to
two, I've had my own floor which has given me the space and freedom I
need to... work... in peace. Otherwise known as check out blogs and
email folk whilst getting paid. Now they're going to shift stinky
boys up here whilst the longroom's being rebuilt...

I wonder if I can assert any sort of claim on the boardroom... I
should definitly test the waters... Perhaps I could pull the ol' but
I'm too fat to be climbing stairs!

To add insult to injury- Someone stole my damned pen! My boss told me
I could punch him. So I did. I then marched back upstairs and have
since gone on strike. I've been sitting here for a good 45 minutes
now justifying my decision not to work by asserting that I need my
pen... Sure there are other pens and I could always try doing some
non-pen related activity in the meantime...

I figure I need some more time to glare at my surroundings.

...

*glare*

...

The new baby thing : )

2005-09-01T15:26:00.000+10:00

Well.... The thing is- I'm all big and fat and uncomfortable
(read:grumpy). The baby's due on October 31st. Yay! We'd get to
have Halloween parties!

We don't get Halloween here...

All's going A-OK. He's big. We're both healthy. We get to go and
peer at him with the aid of an ultrasound next week. : )

There needs to be a support group

2005-08-29T15:43:00.000+10:00

for people who's children are two...

Or medication... strong medication.

I'm sorry

2005-08-05T20:19:00.000+10:00

I unexpectedly ran into someone tonight that I used to email...

I have no clue how I would go about contacting this person again so I just wanted to say here that I'm sorry I was such a jerk...

johana.4@gmail.com

*does double take*

How many posts this week?!?

omg omg omg

2005-08-03T10:36:00.000+10:00

This was in my referals-

http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?FORM=MSNH&srch_type=0&q=johana

I'm number 1!!! :D iiieeee...

No it doesn't work at google. Damn this porn star name!

super monkey loooves to touch

2005-08-03T09:57:00.000+10:00

Followed up with a line about apologising for making the little girl cry by sticking his finger in her sweet, soft fairy floss...

Honestly. Kids TV is becoming more perverse by the day. And they blame kids having sex early on porn and the internet... or porn on the internet, whatever. Or movies. Or video clips. It's so not. It's totally kids TV. Have I mentioned my brothers thoery that theres a higher prevelance of gay men in his age group purely because of a lack of hot chickies on kids TV when he was growing up? I can't remember because I only got like 3 hours sleep last night... I'm sure I'll follow this post up with another whinier one about the last 24 hours...

Anyways, that wee gem was from this show Indy loves it. Today Mr Murphy, aka Super Monkey, loved to sniff. I didn't even want to hear it.

In other, no less scarily lude news, I have been most lax in getting our kitten the chop and now she's on heat. I had no idea she was such a little whore. Honestly. I've never seen such a gross display of lust and hormones in all my days. And that includes highschool. She's developed a thing for one of our male (neutered, I might add) cats. He has no clue what she's tripping on. Our other cat, Jupiter, is too busy going out and making friends with the strays that are now lurking in every shadowy or not so shadowy corner around our house. The miaowing and the howling is making us crazy.

She's getting booked in today.

I had this great dream last night. I have this plan at the moment to start producing *** ****** due to a distinct hole in the market and last night I dreamt that I got a contract to supply coles and ******** bought me out and I became fabulously wealthy. It was a great dream. The fabulously wealthy bit was my favorite.

To wind up, from playschool this morning-
Oh lovely pussy,
Oh pussy my love,
What a lovely pussy you are you are
What a lovely pussy you are.

the fatal flaw

2005-07-19T16:33:00.000+10:00

You may or may not have noticed that I have trouble posting...

The thing is that I don't feel I have anything noteworthy to post about most of the time and then when I do I can't post it because it may violate trust that I have with my friends and family... Yanno... The people I'd be posting about.

It certainly is a quandry....

Anyone got any solutions?

I'm thinking about thinking about renaming my blog

2005-07-19T16:03:00.000+10:00

"to teigan with love..."

what do you think? I know one happy little reader will be a .... happy little reader.

teigan said...

I fear the cease to exist.

11:43 AM

When I was a kid I used to wonder, among other things, how you would know if you were still dreaming. I wondered if people could live their whole lives out in their dreams and think that they had lived for the duration, in reality. If that was what being in a coma was about.

I was never able to reconcile myself to the idea that this was a valid way to live. That if there was no-one else there to confirm your memories then perhaps they weren't worth as much?
To wake up and find that your whole life had been in your head. The kids that you thought you had that had never really existed. The life you'd led that had never really been lived.

I decided the best way for this to end was for the dreamer to slip away into their dreams. To never ever wake up.

I have little to no idea where this came from.

cervical cancer avoidance

2005-07-18T17:06:00.000+10:00

teigan said...

This is your half-monthly posting reminder.
Please don't forget to post to your blog on a regular basis.
It might just prevent you from getting cervical cancer and save your life.

You never know.

10:41 PM

johana said...

:D You're great. You know this right?

I'm afraid I absolutely can not post right now because there's this white hot rage that needs to be quelled and if I were to post in such a possessed by rage kind of mood the acidity could well seep through cyber space and infect all... A very unpleasant turn of events, I can assure you.

Plus I can't say who or what I'm angry with because it's be rude and I have been cursed with consideration... I wish I could tell you... I really do...

5:05 PM

2005-07-01T12:37:00.000+10:00

You'll say you understand, but you don't understand
You'll say you'd never give up seeing eye to eye

Sammy! Everybody know's now that your mother's not a serial killer!

2005-06-30T20:23:00.000+10:00

I don't normally watch morning TV and if I do it's generally kids TV on ABC, which is painful in its own special way but anyhoo... I think it could very well be a great idea if I stick with my anti-morning TV stance. I'm not even watching, just listening and it's making me cranky and like I need to rant at xadey about it. Specifically it's the ads on Kerri-Anne

For instance, a mortgage ad (do people really decide on a lender based on a morning show???)-

"We're so much cheaper than the big 4 banks! Our rate is 5.85%" ...and we have absolutely no perks like rebate or offset accounts and if you pay it off early we'll eat your firstborn...

It even said- "We guarantee that if you're paying the standard variable rate at one of the 4 big banks you will be better off rate-wise with our loan"

*Rate-wise*. You'll still be paying it off when you're 50 but at least you wont be paying those HUGE interest rates that you would be at a reliable lender. We'll prolly tank and take your house with us but hey! At least you wont have paid 0.5% interest extra! You'll *save* $30,000 over the life of the loan with us! Then again if you had stuck with your original lender and paid it off earlier you coulda saved a whole lot more but just ignore that for the minute wont you?

Anyways... *ahem*

I've been sooo busy. Well not the last couple of days. The last couple of days have been declared productive if I've actually managed to get dressed sometime in the early afternoon. (yep. I'm still wearing only a blanket. the heater's on. It's great) But before the last couple of days- b-u-s-y.

There have been coffees with da boyz, trips to the museum, a sick xadey, an excitimo two year old, visits from the mels, redecorations of the ol' house, farewelling my baby girl at the airport, an ultrasound and a whole multitude of other things. Plus I'm 22 weeks pregnant. Is a lot for someone who now waddles rather than walks and who got told "mummy looks like whale" by a certain precocious child.

Much excitement all round really. I'll expand a lil shall I?

We now have a new computer desk! iiieeee! We used to have our corner of sin in our loungeroom with a clunky big desk with lotsa room for crap to fall in the jungle of cords behind it. Now no longer. And the desk has a nifty movable drawer section that's orange. Is much prettier now. IKEA is much too big. They need to make a mini IKEA just with the stuff that I like in it so I don't have to traipse around so damn far and then shift the whole house around to fit bought stuff in. No I'm not unreasonable. It's the waddle. Always blame it on the waddle.

For days- 'I wanna see diiinosaurs!' 'I wanna see the diiiinosaurs!!!'. Along xadey and I dutifully troop for an afternoon at our local museum. We even got us a yearly pass. We admired all the butterflies and the 'sleeping' birds, stuck our heads in plastic bubbles in ants nests, pressed lots of buttons and so forth. She saw her very first human skeleton... and ran screaming. Apparently this one's not destined to be a doctor.

'I wanna see the diiiinosaurs!' ok ok. All she could see was a brontosauruses head- 'I SCARED OF THE DINOSAURS!!!! I DON'T WANNA SEE THE DINOSAURS!!!!! NOOOOOO!'

The hula hoops and other assorted brightly coloured gear in the kids section outside went down a lot better.

The coffees with Tript and Teigs was great. Coffee. Chatting. All the good things you'd expect of going out for coffee. And it only rained a little.

Now the *BIG* news.

I had an ultrasound on Monday. All the stressing and fretting in the lead up to the ultrasound turned out to be all for no good reason. There were 10 fingers and 10 wiggley toes. There was a brain with 2 even sides, apparently a good attribute in a brain. A little mouth that opened and closed with a little tongue that got stuck out at us. A little heart that was beating away. And... a teeny tiny penis... :D Is a boy! :D

So names? Nothing from The Matrix or The Lord of The Rings... Don't even start giving xade ideas... Last thing I need. ; )

Right now it stands as: Dorian Edward. : D

Mmmm... Pfeffers....

God damnit

2005-06-28T10:06:00.000+10:00

I had half a chirpy post written and all...

I'll try to feel sufficiently chirpy enough to finish it later...

My baby girl just got on a plane to New Zealand without me.

2005-06-28T09:29:00.000+10:00

I think I'm going to vomit... : (

most faithful mirror

2005-06-06T17:45:00.000+10:00

I've been told I need to post more often... several times really. There are a couple of reasons why I haven't been.

My avenue for somewhat impersonal cam posts has now been somewhat restricted thanks to some members of management seeing what I've posted of late as inappropriate. No. Not even posting the email addies. That was a slap on the wrist. Apparently opinions need to be kept to a minimum for risk of expulsion.

The other reason is that I haven't been doing overly much with leaves me with what's been going on in the ol' head. Whoever said being pregnant was a bunch of roses was a liar and a fiend and should be sentenced to an eternity of it. There's the actual physically beng sick bit and then there's all these irrational emotions. I don't, most generally, do the emotional bit overly often but I've been so sad and so angry and, just for kicks, happy and excited. It's all confusing and awful. I hate not being in control of myself. Hate it. And now I cry??

It's fun and cute and exciting to feel the baby kick and all but I don't have the image of myself all fat in my head yet. Every time I look in the mirror there I am. Enormous. I know it's not fat it's baby and I know it's a shallow thing to care about but I do care. And if one more person tells me that it's a ridiculous thing to care I'll... I'll... cry?

(wow. My mum just called. she said it was 'silly' and that 'carrying a baby' is both 'wonderful' and 'special' and 'to be cherished'. *groan*)

So yes unstable. That's pretty much why the lack of postage from me.

In a world where everybody fucks everybody else over

2005-05-23T14:49:00.000+10:00

am I the only one who owns a crappy puter that wont let them look at Another Operative's blog?? Is sooo frustrating... I get that "I am another operative" bit and then nothing. It used to be accessable sporadically but now - no love. No love at all...

I think it might be the template...

Or the modem internet thing...

Or some kinda cosmic/cyber conspiracy...

No clue

EDIT: I got him back! : ) Apparently his blog hates progress and just wanted me to use explorer. Stupid explorer... I hates it so much.
*shakes fist at both AO's blog and explorer*

Apparently

2005-05-23T14:15:00.000+10:00

I have some apologising to do. I am most sincerely apologetic for any offense caused by any of my posts. It was utterly unintended and I am kinda shocked that anyone one would take what I say seriously enough to actually get all knickers in a knotty about it... (excpet for you that person who I don't like and is talking nonsense about me on other blogs and needs some serious attention from a trained professional. You know who you are...)

So yes... apologies made....

By the way-

Tori = transcendent

Okie dokie... here goes.

2005-05-15T12:24:00.000+10:00

I just now got out of hospital. Now here comes the admission. The big secret. The reasons behind the random hormonal ranting. I've been pregnant for the last 16 weeks... Looks like we all get to see how Neurocam deals with maternity leave after all...

On Friday night my waters broke. Anyone who knows anything about the whole baby making process knows that having your waters break at 16 weeks is not a good sign. I knew this. I knew it before the doctor sat me down and said there was nothing they could do. That we would lose the baby.

Imagine's everyones surprise when they looked at an ultrasound image of a baby surrounded by fluid. I had a twin pregnancy happening... Two sacs and only one baby. Turns out that the empty sac wanted out...

I just got out of hospital now. It seems everythings going to be ok. Everybody cross their fingers for us now...

I'm gunna give you all my love, in the back seat....

2005-05-11T16:57:00.001+10:00

Mmm... coffee. Wash away all those nasty rants of mine... Well perhaps not entirely.

I have been a bad bad blogger but I do have my reasons.. however flimsy and tied up with my laaazy laziness they are...

Ich hasse de Neurocam... Oh yes I do... I hasse them so much. I'm so overly tired of people's bullshit. It's gone well beyond the bounds of entertaining and is now dancing on entertainings not so fresh grave over in tiresomeville... I swear... One more poorly faked scandal, one more thinly disguised story posing as fact, one more piece of shit nutbag ranting about a friggin brownie and I'm going to throw in the towel altogether...

Where has fun neurocam gone? There's no mystery left in this relationship. No seduction, no subtlety. No romance. It's all... if i continue this analogy along to the tits and pussy conclusion it was naturally coming to it's going to make me look like a total prude but I'm talking metaphorically here....

The bickering and bullshit... too much! The picking over old stories and putting your own spin on them, not fun. If this is the way Neurocam was intended to go... well... my resignation letter could soon be in the mail.

On another cheerie note- Woo! Mother's day! There had to be a quantifiable bonus to having the kiddo... Mother's day is it, for sure. I may not have any of the monies or the freedoms I had but by gum! I have a whole new present day! Mmm.. presents... and pancakes in bed... Mmmm... and CHOCOLATES!

There aint nothing better than a box of chocolates... Nothing! It's not even about the chocolate itself... It the whole individual packaging that gets me... and the box. And the mineness of it. Mmm. Love it!

And I got Gwen Stephani. Mmm... Gwen. And she's putting me in a better mood. This whole post is going to have me sounding utterly unstable and vaguely bi-polar..

Bananas...

First Google search!

2005-05-01T01:23:00.000+10:00

Woo! I just got found via google for the first time! Some one was searching for my boobs, oddly enough... I doubt that they were my boobs they were searching for given that I have been less than forthcoming with the boobs themselves but eh... Woo! Found on Google! None the less...

The other thing that seems to have generated quite a number of hits was my bitching about wanker101 in Tripts comments... Has he got the big shiney boot yet?

Hmm... enough of the personal ego stroking me thinks...

Buh byes...

Hey!

2005-04-29T15:46:00.000+10:00

**CENSORED**

Avery?

I'm experiencing something very strange and disturbing...

2005-04-21T15:19:00.000+10:00

Every time I try to open someone's blog hosted by blogger all I get is the blogger start page or my own 'create post' type page... At first it was only happening on Tripts blog but then Avery and Constance dropped out on me too... I'm not game to refresh xadey-boy for fear of the prospect of tabs and tabs of Firefoxey type tabs all staring at me with the Blogger page on them...

Does anyone know what the hell is going on? Or have I sucked my own blog into my horrible little vacuume with me?

A post for Miss Paige

2005-04-21T15:00:00.000+10:00

Could it be?? Could Charlie dearest be a spy? To tell you the truth, I don't know if I'd put it past him...

I do know, however, that if he didn't know on the 6th, he certainly knew on the 8th when he sent me this worried email out of the blue-

Jo

I am in trouble.

I think I am being investigated by Neurocam management. I am not sure
if this account is secure anymore. If contacted by any members of staff
can you please *Snippity snip snip*

Charles

I like Charlie. At this point I'm going to have to stay the loyal little fan girl and say that if he was trying to bring it all crashing down he probably had his very good reasons, regardless of who he was sleeping with...

In fact, on that note- Perhaps Mr Knight was just jealous! Perhaps he was framing Hastings! Perhaps... perhaps... perhaps it was discovered he was actually Beltaine and Briddles lost all respect and he was so ashamed he quit...

Who knows... I'm sure it will all unravel itself deliciously slowly with many twists and turns along the way...

What I do really want to know is - has anyone else spoken to Charles since April 8th? Or has he vanished from everybodies inboxes?

As everyone else rushes off to Operation Fun In The Park

2005-04-09T08:37:00.000+10:00

Spare a thought for me stuck at home with the girl... *pout* Alas. My first missed assignment. I spose it was going to happen sooner or later...

A new Neurocam blog

2005-04-09T08:28:00.000+10:00

You know how with the Bolte Bridge assignment we were all left wondering about how Shemyaza from Sydney and, more suprisingly, Wintermute from Germany could be there? And why? But then Shemyaza turned out to be Melbourne based Shemjaza. Wintermute, to me at least, was still a bit of a mystery. Not anymore. Lookee here- New Cam blog. The Melbourne Wintermute

UPDATE~And then there was two - Reanimator can now be found here

Oh and

2005-04-07T23:07:00.000+10:00

Tript was an excellent doorbitch... ; )

Okie Dokieur to ask.

2005-04-07T22:54:00.000+10:00

I haven't sent in my report yet... or written it come to think of it but I wanna get the jump on this posting thing.

Tuesday was interesting and suprisingly fun. There was chess and foozball in a pub in North Melbourne. The foozball wasn't an official Neurocammy activity but it was there and it was fun. I lost two games of chess miserably which was to be expected. I'm not a big chess player. The last game was great. I got Teigan in a check kinda position. It was a quickly lost check position but hey.... easy come easy go. We didn't get to finish the game thanks to 10 o'clock rolling around just a bit too soon but it was called *my way* Woo! (sorry teigan) Just. It was really a draw... but my way! Woo!

It's a good thing we're not being judged on our chess playing prowess. If we were reanimator would be a shoe in. He's a scary man to face on the battleground that is chess... That was rather dramatic....

For all those who didn't get the mission, here it is. enjoy-

Dear Operative

This e-mail contains the details of your next Neurocam assignment.

NEUROCAM ASSIGNMENT – NTC – 5781/01 – CAREER ADVANCEMENT SUITABILITY
ASSESSMENT.

(A) AIM

A face-to-face assessment of an Operative's suitability for career
advancement.

(B) CONTEXT

The 1st phase of Neurocam International's 2005 operations is drawing to
a close.

Due to a disparity between the number of active field operatives and
the number of operatives required for phase two, Neurocam has decided
to cull its operational work force. To this end it has been determined
that a face-to-face assessment of each operative is required.

Based upon the outcomes of this assessment, a determination will be
made as to whether each Operative should be recommended for career
advancement, should be retained in Neurocam's services at their current
status, or dismissed from the organization.

'Chess problems demand from the composer the same virtues that
characterize all worthwhile art: originality, invention, conciseness,
harmony, complexity, and splendid insincerity.' - Vladimir Nabokov,
'Poems and Problems', 1969

(C) EXECUTION

Below are the procedural details for this assignment. Any deviation
from the operational protocol described may result in a requirement of
disciplinary action against the operative.

1. Between 8 - 10pm on Tuesday or Wednesday the 5th and 6th of April
you must arrive at 368 Victoria Street, West Melbourne. Before
entering the venue, you must ensure that you are wearing both your
white face mask and Neurocam identifier.

2. Upon entering the building, purchase a drink and proceed upstairs
where you will be met by a number of other operatives, all of whom will
be similarly masked. Please be aware, two of their number will be
members of Neurocam's upper management.

3. Around the venue you will notice a number of chess boards. As soon
as a chess board is free, you must approach another operative, state
your Neurocam Operative name and challenge them to a game of chess.

4. Beyond the exchange of your Neurocam name, you are strictly
forbidden from discussing Neurocam in any way throughout your match.

5. Once the game has been won or lost, you are to note the name of
your competitor, the outcome of the match and the details of any
conversation engaged in during the match.

6. You must then repeat steps 3 through 5 until you have either played
every operative in the room or the allotted time for this assessment is
complete (see step 7).

7. At 10.00pm exactly you must cease the match you are engaged in and
make a note of which player is an advantageous position.

8. Within the venue there is a painting which is the work of a famous
individual who has not obtained their fame for their artistic
endeavors. Determine which painting and the identity of the artist
before vacating the venue in an expedient manner.

9. Submit a report of your assignment (including a record of your wins
and losses, a brief transcript of all conversations and the identity of
the famous painter) to the Operations Division
(operations@neurocam.com) prior to close of business on Friday April 8,
2005.

NOTE: You will be informed of the results of your assessment within
two weeks of the submission of your report.

(D) OPERATIONAL SECURITY

Neurocam International is aware that many operatives publicly discuss
and relate their Neurocam experiences via online forums and web
journals. Operatives are permitted to continue this practice, but are
strictly forbidden from discussing or publishing any details attaining
to this assignment until after Friday April 8, 2005. Any operative
found doing so will suffer immediate expulsion from Neurocam.

Regards,

Charles Hastings
Head, Operations Division
Neurocam International
operations@neurocam.com

Longest post ever... : )

is it just me or

2005-04-07T11:34:00.000+10:00

do there seem to be heaps of people younger than me floating around these days?

My picture

2005-04-06T12:24:00.000+10:00

My wonderful picture! You're back! Woo!

Wellity wellity well...

2005-04-06T12:06:00.000+10:00

Wasn't last night just a blast? Creepy factor high... I worry about the day when the creepyness become passe and no longer creepy. That shall be the day I quit the Cam... I have made it to 22 still undesensitized (Woo! New word!)to scary TV. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with losing all sensitivity to scary life...

I am the lucky owner of a *whole* week off. As in a whole week. Or just about. I mean I have work on Friday and get the girl back that night but I've been a free woman since Sunday night and man I needed it. It's the longest bu has ever been away from home. My mum's using her to ignore the fact that she is minus her dusty, me thinks, but it's all good. I don't know whether to call and say hi or if that would be upsetting and remind her that yes, she does have a mummy...

I have a rant builing... For now- later slaters.

OMG OMG OMG!!!

2005-03-31T23:10:00.000+10:00

TORI'S COMING!!!

iiieeee!!!

hey god. it's jo calling...

2005-03-31T18:08:00.000+10:00

I was brought up in a pretty strict Baptist family at least till I was 7. When I was 7 the church kicked out the minister because his wife was associating with the daughters of the devil ie rape victims and my parents seperated. This all served to bring about changes in the no smoking, no drinking, no swearing, no Santa environment my mum had till then, had happening. All the same it was church every Sunday, prayers every night and 'God Bless You' as I went to sleep. Throughout I believed fiercely, privately and largely unquestioningly.

Then came the great disenchantment. I found out that I didn't at all like a great number of Christian folk. Not based on personality but based on belief structures and how they lived their faith, or didn't live it as the case may be. Then I decided it wasn't Christian people I didn't like but 'The Church' itself and what it seemed to foster in church-goers. I'm referring here to the judgement, intolerance, self-righteousness and hypocrisy that's been rife in every church I've been too.

Ever since I've been constructing and refining a belief structure in my head. I have my own delicatly balanced set of prinicples and what not in my head.

Some times I still find myself longing for the old ways though. I just want someone else to tell me what to believe. I want 2000 years of excuses to fall back on when I'm questioned. I want all the love and compassion and communion I was assured was real when I was a child.

More than anything I want a fall back position when I don't have the words. I want to be able to put happy endings on everything. Heavens a wonderful place, it's Gods Will, angels and eternal life and all things that are good and sweet unless you stray from the clearly marked path.

I know all the right things to say and do but I just don't feel it anymore.

goodbye dusty

2005-03-31T17:51:00.000+10:00

My mum moved to the country a year or so ago... Not country town country but real surrounded by huge farms with thousands of sheep country. She took her two little dogs with her.

There was always the possibility of them running into a snake and coming out worse off and mum said that she had been preparing herself for it just in case. Obviously not preparing well enough... : (

More Neurocammy goodness

2005-03-30T15:34:00.000+10:00

The assignment we've all been waiting for details of with much baited breath will be very soon coming to an inbox near you, or so I've been told. In the meantime though the most lovely Mr Hastings has let me know that it's 'something to do with Neurocam career advancement opportunities'... Hmmm... Delightfully delightful.

Everybody who hates people coming to their door raise their hand

2005-03-30T09:59:00.000+10:00

Another little bitch to follow up from last week- Nobody get Origin Energy. I had this guy tuurn up on my doorstep yesterday and he just wouldn't go away. It took me a good 10-15 minutes to get rid of him.I ran through all my get-out-of-my-face lines like:

Me: "OK well I'll think about it and give Origin a call"
Him: No no you can't do that. This is only for door to door sales.
Me: "look I'm sorry but I'm just not interested right now"
Him: Are you not interested in savings or do you not care about the environment?
(Very abbreviated, of course)
He said that AGL doesn't have a Green option which they clearly do.

He kept insisting that I go get my gas and electricity bills so he could compare the rates. I don't know about most people but I'm simply not comfortable getting out personal information and handing it over to aggresive salespeople who rock up at my door.

The only thing that worked was when after being accused of hating the environment quite a number of times, I said "I'm sorry but I'm not comfortable having things pushed at me at my door" He looked at me like I was the worst thing that had happened to the environment since the invention of the car and conceded that yes it was my choice and if that's what I ireally wanted... He actually did this hugely dramatic shakespearian bow as he said this. Jerk.

Who do you see about bad bad doctors?

2005-03-21T17:58:00.000+11:00

I am beyond cranky at the minute. We took the girl to a doctors last night, he hardly looked at her, he didn't listen to a word I said, leading to much repeating of myself AND he talked on the phone through most of the time I was in his office. Not in the "oh just a second. I really have to take this. Sorry" way but in the way that he picked up the phone whilst I was mid sentence DIALLED and chatted away.

This was after waiting FOUR HOURS to see him due to his who... receptionist being totally incompetant.

Just for reference- Don't ever ever go Coburg Family Medical Centre.

Now I have a two year old trying to be brave. "Is sore mummy. Is a bit sore" And then the face crumples...

Bastard

UPDATE: The girl seems to be doing a bit better this morning. She slept till nearly 11 so she should be feeling alright... :D She is pointing out all the tummys in a lingerie catalogue at the minute. "Ohhh! Tummy! Tickie tummy. Bery Cute" Has got to be a good sign, right?

Thanks to those who asked after her and sent healing little one vibes our way- I think they did the trick. :)

ANOTHER UPDATE: The girl is fine now! Thank-you so much to everybody who asked after her and sent best wishes.

Round round round round

2005-03-21T09:19:00.000+11:00

my head spins around. It spi... Yeah. That's more than enough. But seriously. It does. And I'm all a itching for a Mr Hastings or Knight to get back to me so I can be all caring and sharing. All this secret keeping is really testing my xxxxxxxxx....

UPDATE: It could very well be quite a wait. The lovely Mr Knight wont give me a date :( Stupid no date...

Will the real RH please stand up?

2005-03-18T07:42:00.000+11:00

unowhoiam said...

Your demise is comeing to an end. Your worth is worthless.
You are the lowest of the low.
You are the bottom of neurocam.
You are below boy.
You are not scary.
I will always wun.

RH

7:06 AM

Is this guy the recent imposter, sender of creepy emails and writer of dodgy comments? He doesn't really seem... bright enough.